Sunday's my gorging day*

May 16, 2014
*so said Glen Gary the Canadian tramp who lives in the park off Brick Lane.

So the actual details of my so-called whirlwind wedding** are vague and not widely known. That's only because the truth is more astonishing than any story one can come up with. All that has to be known is that it was two Sundays ago, I had only known him (H) for all of twelve minutes before we were declared man and wife, I met him when running away from a dusty old pirate, and we bonded over our shared love of musicals, autism, and our penchant for hijinks. 

**Any good divorce lawyers? Can I annul a marriage that has already been consummated? Am I actually legally married? Help! Get me out!

I fooled everyone on Facebook into thinking I actually had eloped with a total stranger by posting a photo of us beneath what looked like a stained glass window in a church, when really it was the decor at Meat Mission where we had our first meal of (faux) man and wife. The stuff of legendary romance.

Das steaks are high but ve are just trying to make ends meat. Ve need to stop meating like zis. Sausage jokes are da wurst.

Velcome to da church of lost souls and unholy spirits. No wegetarians and wegans allowed.

It veally does look like a church, jah?

The neon sign says 'Meat' not but even with the M blown out it still makes sense. More evidence that even when imperfect, meat is the way forward. Why else would it contain the word 'eat'?

Loving the DJ in his little glass perch lording over us like some unholy overlord of hell. That is, vegan hell.

The newly married Mr Yip writing a love not not to his barely betrothed but to 'Mr Food'...

'Dear my darling Mr Food, you seem to be covered in gravy. So I shall eat you. Hope it's OK? Love from Henry. Ps: Do You know Mr Drink?'

I am shackled to a freak...

Ravenous from the excitement of having been married to a complete stranger we naturally over ordered.

We were baptised in lashings of curry over sausage and fries, the currywurst. Ja.

Ve could barely finish the Peckham Dip.

Und ze chilli cheese fries finished us off.

Even looking at this is making me feel uncomfortably full.


Definitely van for ze meat lovers.

The new husband fell asleep from meat coma and I came so close to running away and being free of him. Never mind, there's always next time...


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