♥ Happy Birthday Jessica Patterson ♥

November 15, 2013
Me and the birthday girl.

Yesterday, Jessica Patterson, the original mistress of kink, sex goddess, and purveyor of PR threw a little dinner to celebrate her birthday. 

The cafe in Café Royal hotel saw an adorable juxtaposition of black tie and burgers---delicious medium rare (thank God) hamburgers, french fries, and milkshakes (how American!) were on the menu, the dress code was seriously smart (gowns and tuxedos galore), the ambience was playful sophistication with flickering candelabras and Lorde crooning over the chatter of fifty (sixty?) people giggling and gossiping the night away. Speaking of which, some serious side-eye and shade-throwing was going on that night. While we were waiting outside the hotel for our Uber to take us to Tonteria a miserable, bitter passerby eyed Hannah's elaborate lace gown with matching choker and gloves and she sneered as loudly as she could (all while walking away very quickly, as cowardly haters do) "What the h*ll is she wearing?" It took all of sister Kate's restraint to not unleash a tidal wave of Romanian gypsy fury on that basic bee hatch. You do not mess with the Nasi Kangkang gang! We be spiking yo' rice while ya sleep. Wooord.


And the first birthday portrait of the month goes to....!

I had fun colouring it in with makeup, it was my first time and with practise I hope to achieve a level akin to those of makeup artists. I used Mac Russian Red for the lips, Nars Orgasm (of course) for the cheeks, Nars Malaysia (represent!) bronzer, Naked Palette (again, how appropriate) 2 for the eyes.

With my dining companions Idina and Diana. Throughout the night Idina's hairstyles changed.

Idina with hair down.

Idina with half updo ala Duchess of Cambridge.

Idina with hair up.

Earl and H-Diddy.

Two thirds of the Nasi Kangkang gang, aka the Romanian sisters.

With Edward the self-proclamied 'turtologist' who wants to spend his life on a beach in Malaysia helping baby turtles make it to sea. In the meantime he spends his days rescuing wayward souls like me and having his scarf stolen (also by me).

Milkshakes! I swapped mine (chocolate) for Hannah (or Kate's?) yogurt one which I loved. I love the sourness of yogurt.

"Milkshake experiment. Day 1: Yard is empty. No sign of boys..."

I pocketed nine unopened jars of condiments---four mustard, two mayonnaise, three ketchups. I gave a jar of mayo and a jar of ketchup to my Uber driver, he seemed quite pleased. I also pocketed (with permission!) four mint chocolate chip cookies and an pistachio cake from the cafe which will do nicely for my afternoon tea.

I screamed with excitement when this bus passed by "Everyone! Look! It's MY BUS! Malaysia! Represeeeeent!" Mini jars of condiments, free cookies and cake, and buses with my country on them---it's so easy to make me happy. A simpleminded person is a blissful one.

Intermission. It's bathroom selfie time.

I placed my camera on the sink, hit the self-timer, and we all had ten seconds to pose. This is what we came up with. It goes down in history as the worst group photo ever. I'm blowing it up on a giant canvas and hanging it in my hallway just because it's all kinds of special. Just look...!


We returned to a far more refined scene, a beautiful speech from Oli and a toast to the birthday girl.

To Jessica...!

Of course our Uber promo code du nuit was 'lovejessica' which everyone promptly used to get to Tonteria for the afterparty. I lasted five minutes and two Shazams (Gypsy Woman and Alors On Danse) before creeping home just past midnight. This Cinderella isn't going to turn into a pumpkin, thank you very much.

Happy Birthday Jess and thank you for a lovely night...!